When we acknowledge Father's Day, what are we celebrating? Is it a personal tribute to our fathers? Is it the commemoration of male parentage? Of all the major holidays, Father's Day seems to many men to be the least celebrated because of men's connections to their own fathers, and men's uncertainty in seeing their relationships with their fathers as something they want to honor. In my work with fathers, I find that the number of men who want to honor their fathers on this day is equal to the number of men who want to mourn their relationships with their fathers. It seems that as a national holiday Father's Day is bittersweet, evoking both the admiration and disdain that men (and women) feel about their fathers.

As men become fathers, celebrating this day can become very intense emotionally. I feel that men undervalue how profoundly they may be affected by this institutionalized ritual of acknowledging fatherhood. There is much denial in our society and in our personal lives about fatherhood. All men hope for fathers who can support them in both our physical and emotional needs. Young children only know how to trust the adults who are responsible for them. Often parents are not themselves prepared or aware of how to "be there" for their children. What happens to children when their fathers either were not or could not be there for them? Often other people can support these children and help "father" them into the world. Mothers can take over both the roles of parenting in families. Uncles, teachers, coaches and family friends can also help. Fathers are traditionally the ones who facilitate children's relationships with the outside world. The world of work and social interactions have been the conventional domain for fathers. Now that more mothers are working and more fathers are staying at home, the definition of fatherhood is changing.

Who men are as people is a more profound influence on their children's lives now than the role that they play in the family. Fatherhood is no longer being defined by men's societal role. How men interact with their children and their mates and how they feel about themselves as men leaves a lasting impression on their children. Children's attitudes reflect the possibilities that their parents see for themselves. Children learn the limitations of life and their own potential by watching how their parents deal with daily life-from how they greet the day to how they cope with disappointment and loss.

As we reflect on Father's Day this year, let us appreciate that even if we personally were very wounded by our own fathers, we can be more substantial, more present in our children's lives than we felt our fathers were in ours. We can honor all the fathering influences who have contributed to our lives. We can dedicate ourselves on this Father's Day to transforming the paternal bond between ourselves and our families into a nurturing, cooperative and vitally alive connection to protect the innocence of childhood and encourage creativity in living. Let us thank our children and let them know how proud we are of them and how lucky we feel to be their fathers on this Father's Day.

For Further self-reflection and discussion:
1. What did you do for Father's Day last year?
2. How was Father's Day celebrated when you were a child?
3. How would you like your Father's Day to be acknowledged?