When I originally wrote this essay (1995) and sent it to Steve, editor of "Full-Time-Dads," I found out that I had not written on the subject he had requested. Fortunately, I had a few days to work on another essay. Unfortunately, school was starting for our kids. Our son, Morgan, was starting Berkeley High School and our daughter, Julia, was starting the fourth grade at Sierra School. The beginning of school is both an exciting and anxious time. Luckily, the essay I was suppose to write was on how we as dads can participate in our children's education.

Personally, I was hoping to get this article finished last night, but my daughter and I had to go over her math and my son needed me to help him get ready for a quiz on the Middle East. I think one of the ways I support my kids in their educational endeavors is to be able to put aside my work to help them with theirs. Showing interest as fathers in our children's school work means so much for so many reasons.

In our culture,(not that I agree with this and I am glad it is changing) we tend to value more or give more status to what men do. When we put aside all the "important" things that dads have to do and show our interest and desire to help our kids with school work, we transfer this cultural esteem to their activity. This can have both positive and negative consequences.

Positively, our interest lets us show we feel what they are doing is important. But if in our interest, our children feel criticized or pressured, this can cause them to feel "shamed," as if they aren't good enough for their father. Oftentimes in working with fathers in my psychotherapy practice, I find that dads have their hearts in the right place, but may come across to their children as too rigid in their desire to help them. Sometimes it's the dad's need to see his child be successful that overshadows the needs of his child. I consulted with our fourteen- year- old son on this subject and he gave me some interesting insights.

Morgan thought that being supportive did not always mean helping out with the specifics of the homework. He believed that listening to what he was doing and how he was doing it, without too much input, was most valuable. Mistakes would be there but the overall experience of my interest and excitement (joy?) about "his" work was better than help with a lot of corrections. Great advice from a fourteen year old, certainly for us dads of adolescents!!!

So I think dads serve a very important and primary function of valuing education and conveying this to their children, especially in the home. Other attitudes that dads express, such as reassurance and confidence in their children's abilities in general, will add to their child being prepared to deal with the many social obstacles that occur at school. Learning often begins by being able to feel comfortable enough about yourself to take in what goes on in class. A father's confidence in his child goes a long way in promoting a positive "academic" experience.

If possible, it's great to be involved at your child's school. Young kids, especially, love to see their dads at school. Last year I was a room parent for Julia's third grade class and loved being an integral part of her day- to- day school life. Several other dads I know come regularly to help out in class. Field trips, school festivals, and back to school nights are also opportunities to be part of your child's education in an important "community," rather than "academic" way.

It is important to mention that many of the men I know would love to be more involved in their kids' schools, but lack of job flexibility makes it very difficult, and in some cases impossible, to make the commitments they desire. Being creative and "strategic" in choosing the activities you can be involved in is important. Don't give up if you have a restrictive or rigid employment.

Finally, express your interest in education by continuing to educate yourself. Lectures, classes, reading books, and talking about your own new learning are powerful incentives for your children. Look for small opportunities to share educational experience together. (Museums, art galleries, and community centers are often good sources.)

But most important, make time to listen to what school is like for your kids. Hear both their academic and social learnings. Try and understand what it is like for him or her to "be" in school. The fears and anxieties that come up in school are often as difficult to understand and master as the math and spelling.

For Further self-reflection and discussion:
1. When you were growing up, what was your parents attitude toward education?
2. What unique talents or skills do you see your child having?
3. How can you participate in your child's education?